Fly
My hair flowed gently in the wind, the cool breeze running along my face as I stood on the roof of the dormitory complex I currently resided in. I looked out across the city, the people walking along the streets looking like ants and the cars looking like toys. A rush of adrenaline hammered me as I approached the edge; what would happen if I were to just fall over the edge? To feel the wind rush against my falling body, to feel the butterflies in my stomach as I fell…
As a child my favorite stories were of superheroes. I was fascinated by the tales of super humans and beings from space whom could fly with great speeds across the skies like they were gods. I had always had fantasies of having such powers of my own, of being able to fly high among the clouds and birds. Standing on the edge now, I suddenly had a vivid thought that if I just stepped off, I’d be able to finally achieve my dream of flying.
Suddenly feeling very lightheaded, I leaned forward dangerously, staring down the length of the dormitory complex and at the people below; catching myself at the last minute, I staggered backward a few steps, feeling strangely dizzy. Panting, I looked upward at the sky, trying to find a reason not to jump. I couldn’t.
I thought back to when I first met her.
It was on a warm Monday afternoon, and I had just gotten out of my last class of the day, Accounting. I was sitting by myself in the cool shadow of a tall maple tree by myself, reading one of my favorite comics to relax after a tiring day of classes. It was my first semester at the University of New Leaf City, so I hadn’t made many friends yet; my roommate, Chisel, had classes from afternoon to night, so I had to wait until nighttime all week until I could see him. As a result, I was typically quite lonely during the school week. However, after a few weeks of this, I found solace in my alone time, finding the peace and quiet to be quite comforting. I found that I enjoyed reading much more when there wasn’t someone around to distract me.
“Wow! The Flash, huh? He’s pretty cool I guess, but I always thought his red suit looked kinda cheesy, especially in the early comics.”
A soft, clear voice suddenly pierced my ears. I looked up from the comic I was reading to see a girl standing in front of me. My breath caught in my throat; growing up, I had always been a shy person, and I was especially nervous around beautiful girls, like the one standing in front of me. She had brown hair that fell to her shoulders, with large hazel eyes and a pale complexion. Her most defining feature, however, was her smile; I know it seems cheesy the way I describe it, but I swear to Castellan, when that girl smiled at you, the world seemed like a much better place.
I stared stupidly at her for a few moments, before awkwardly responding with a quiet “Yes.” Smiling that amazing smile, the girl extended her hand. “Hi. I’m Fakku.”
After we had introduced ourselves, we began chatting. Surprisingly, we had a lot in common; I learned that she was also just as much of a superhero geek as I was, if not more. We had similar tastes in music, video games, books, etc. To this day, I still remember, that on that particular Monday afternoon when I first met her under that maple tree, I was the happiest that I had been in a long time; I would even go so far as to call that day one of the happiest in my entire life.
After that day, we would regularly meet at the maple tree where we first met after our classes. It sort of became “our spot.” Every day, I’d see her standing under that tree, waiting for me. And every day, I’d feel a spark of emotion, a rejuvenating feeling coursing through my body that jolted me awake and made me feel alive, regardless of what kind of day I was having.
Over time as we got to know each other more, our meetings turned to dates. We would go on grand adventures together; her outgoing personality and adventurous spirit took us all over the world. Before meeting her I was a recluse, preferring to stay in my native town of NLC. After meeting her, she introduced me to a whole world I never thought possible. In a way, she made my life exciting.
We spend a glorious year together. Thinking about it now, it’s amazing how fast it passed; but at the time, we were lost in the moment. We were in love. We went on so many grand adventures together; we explored the metropolis of Orbis, rode the rides in Ludibrium’s amusement park, explored the watery depths of Aqua Road, and even climbed the frozen hills of El Nath. However, the most memorable moment we shared with one another is one I remember fondly. It was during our visit to the markets of Henesys, a land famed for its fresh produce. It was here where I tasted the sweetest strawberries I had ever eaten in my life; but they were even sweeter when I tasted them again on her lips.
I had devoted so much time to my relationship in that year that my grades had actually begun to decline. I had previously managed to at least hold a B average, but ever since meeting Fakku they dropped to a C average, but I didn’t care. This was the best thing that ever happened to me and for all I cared, everything else was secondary to me. Unfortunately, the time we had together was limited.
Cancer. It was a disease that has struck tragedy in my life before. When I was young, my mother passed away from breast cancer. I was only around four years old at the time, so I don’t recall much of my mother, nor do I recall ever feeling quite sad; strange emotions for a person who has lost his mother. Little did I know, however, this disease would once again make an appearance in my life, and would be the spark of yet another tragedy; this time, however, I would bear full witness to its destructive nature.
I still remember the day clearly, as if it just occurred yesterday. I was walking to our special spot, carrying a bouquet of flowers I had picked out just for her. It was supposed to be a special day. It was our one year anniversary, and I had planned out an amazing day for just the two of us, something that I hadn’t told her about; it was going to be a surprise. However, as I approached our special maple tree, I knew something was wrong.
She was sitting slumped under the maple tree, her face buried in her arms, her usual cheerful demeanor gone. As I approached, she looked up at me with teary eyes, her hazel eyes which were usually vibrant with life and excitement now a pale husk of what it once was.
“Fakku?” I rushed to her side, kneeling down next to her, throwing the flowers aside. I put my arms around her, gently caressing her like so many times before; however, she forcefully pushed me away, something I did not expect. I stared dumbfounded at her for a few moments, unsure of what I should say; after a few moments of silence, she spoke to me.
“Spike…I’m sick.”
I didn’t know what to make of it. I stood up, dusting my clothes off. “Sick? Don’t worry, I’ll take you home. You’ll get be-“
“No.”
Her voice scared me. I had never heard her speak in that tone of voice before; she always so full of life, and always spoke with a happy, high pitched tone. Now, hearing her speak, it seemed as if she had given up on life. I suddenly had an image of her, all alone in the darkness, crying, the whole world gone; just a lonely girl crying by herself in the dark, dark world. This was not the Fakku I knew. This Fakku scared me. Her voice brought me back to reality.
“You don’t understand, Spike. I have Leukemia.” I froze. I stared off into the distance, watching the white clouds slowly move across the blue sky as she continued talking. “I got the call last night…my doctor says I only have a few more months to live. I’m sorry.” She stood up, but I didn’t look at her. I just kept staring at those clouds in the distance. “I’m going to the hospital tomorrow, for the chemo…they tell me I might be able to have a few more months in my life if I go through with it.” Her voice was shaking now. I could tell she was crying, but I didn’t look at her. “I’m sorry, Spike.” I listened to her footsteps as she walked away, becoming quieter as she left. I must’ve stood in that spot for hours, under our special maple tree, listening to the wind blow through the trees around me before I finally left to go home.
I made Fakku a
promise. I had visited her at the hospital a few months after our anniversary, and I sat next to her bed as she told me about the therapy, and what she had to go through. She looked so different from what I remembered; it was almost frightening to look at her. The therapy had all but rendered her bald, her long brown hair gone. Her previously vibrant hazel eyes were now a cold, empty brown, and she had dark shadows under her eyes. But nonetheless, she was still the same woman I fell in love with a year ago.
She seemed unusually happy, some of her old self seeming to have returned as she recounted the events to me. I wondered why anyone would be happy in her position, but knowing her, she must’ve seen the whole ordeal as a new adventure. She had always been this way, always seeing life as an adventure. She was one of the only people I knew that was this brave. In a way, her optimism gave me hope. But deep down, I knew that it was all false.
After telling me about the procedures in the therapy, a silence filled the room, which usually happened whenever I came to visit her. I stared out the window, watching the sun set in the distance as she fiddled with her fingers. After a few moments of silence, she finally spoke.
“Spike…promise me…promise me you’ll do something. If not for yourself, then for me…” Her voice was filled with an emotion I hadn’t heard from her before. I turned to look at her, and was surprised to see her tearing up. I myself began to feel emotions swell inside my chest.
“You've given me so much and I haven't been able to return a single thing. That's why I want you to live for yourself now. Do what's best for you, Spike. Spike... you made me happy.”
These were not the words I wanted to hear. She was wrong…she was the one who had given me so much. She was the one that had changed my life. Compared to her, I was nothing. I wanted her to know that she meant as much to me as much as I did to her. She gave me a reason to live, and deep down I knew that I couldn’t bear to live life without her. I attempted to answer her, but for some reason I couldn’t. As much as I wanted to say what I thought, the words wouldn’t leave my mouth. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, and that she meant everything to me. I wanted to tell her that on that day one year ago, under that maple tree, she had changed my life.
But I couldn’t. I found my stomach in knots, my breaths ragged, unable to speak. A nurse came in then. “It’s time for Fakku to take her medicine. I’m sorry Spike, but you’ll have to leave for now.”
I hurriedly stood up, and said a quick good bye to Fakku. Before I could leave, however, I felt her took a hold of my hand. Looking down at her, I saw a hint of the warm smile I had come to love, the smile that had greeted me on that day one year ago which seemed like almost an eternity now. I hurried out of the room. As I left, I thought about what she had wanted me to do. I closed my eyes and silently made the promise.
For the next few months, I neglected to visit her. I just couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t want to look at her in that state…frail, broken and sick. That was not the Fakku I wanted to exist. I wanted her to be well again. I wanted her to be able to live life again, to share her smile and warmness with the world. I wanted her to be Fakku again.
I began neglecting school, and in turn my grades dropped. I eventually decided to take a break from school for a semester so that I could gather my thoughts and decide what I wanted to do. It was a few months after I had made the promise to her, and I found that I had trouble keeping it. I didn’t do much, spending most of my days in a state of depression, usually just sitting alone in my room thinking about the glorious days I had spent with the woman I loved. And then, one day, I received the call. It was from her doctor, a man I had trouble remembering.
“Spike, it’s me, Doctor MikasaSuCasa. Listen, it’s about Fakku…”
I already knew what he was going to say. At first, I had trouble believing that she was actually gone. But then, my disbelief slowly turned to a strange feeling of happiness. Wherever she was, she was in a better place now. I thought back to her sickly appearance; the bald head, the look of emptiness within her eyes, and I thought maybe death isn’t so bad after all. Even though I couldn’t see her again, I at least knew she was at peace, free from any sickness or harm.
People were beginning to notice me standing on top of the roof. They were pointing up, shouting at one another. I saw a woman on her phone, most likely to alert the authorities about a potential suicide. I looked out once more at the vast expanse of New Leaf City. From up here, it all looked so small. I thought back once more to the stories of superheroes I had read as a child, and the fascination with flying returned. Maybe, just maybe, I could learn to fly. After all, what more did I have to lose? I thought back to Fakku, the woman I loved. I thought of her living peacefully in Heaven, or wherever people go after they die. Maybe death won’t be so bad after all, I thought to myself. Suddenly, I remembered the promise I had made to her. I shook my head and uttered a small laugh.
Sorry to disappoint you, babe. But I’m not as strong as you thought I was.
Spreading my arms wide and closing my eyes, I felt the wind whipping around my body as I stepped forward. Horrified screams and the sound of sirens approaching from afar filled my ears as my body left the rooftop.
I finally knew what it felt like to
fly.
